I have heard this question from sisters; and certainly more than once. You want to home educate, but dear hubby doesn't, so what should you do?
My goal here is to help you get the individual answers that YOU need...not merely provide a set of generic pieces of advice and hope they will fit.
So what can you do when you want to homeschool, but your husband doesn't?
Firstly I want to take the opportunity to remind you that as a good father who fears Allah, your husband absolutely wants the best for your children just as you do. Do not allow the shaytaan to come in the middle to cause a rift between you both whilst you discuss your differing views.
Don’t allow your differences in education viewpoints cause resentment or frustration; because you are both on the same team here.
Turn to Allah
One of the most important things you can do is to make dua’. Ask Allah to guide both you and your husband to make the best decision for the education of your children.
We may have our own plan, but indeed Allah is the Best of Planners. So talk to the One Whom has control over our affairs.
Be patient with your husband
I was blessed to meet a bunch of home educating sisters when my eldest was three. We had the opportunity to attend activities with them and their children. Once I got talking to these mothers and was able to see what they were doing with their families, I loved the idea of homeschool. However my husband, at the time did not.
It took around a year of talking with him; requesting he’d read various articles I wanted to email him on the topic before his opinion changed alhamdulillah.
Our daughter had spent the first term of reception class (3 months) in an “Islamic” school, and the cracks had began to show quickly.
We found our little four year old would come home at the end of the day tired, not saying much about what happened at school. We’d have around an hour together before it was time to get dinner ready, clean up and begin the bedtime routine. It started to feel like we were running a Bed & Breakfast rather than a family home.
And then there were issues directly with the school, which although was labelled an Islamic school; the reality wasn’t really quite so; things in opposition to Islam were taught. We had been very naïve in our expectations of such a school when we first enrolled.
I remember it was during this winter break after the first term, that I forwarded a particular article discussing homeschool to my husband. As soon as he read it, without moving from the chair he said our little 4 year old wasn’t returning to school in the new term.
“really?” I asked panicked.
His decision was made and so our journey began. Here he is almost ten years later; one of the biggest supporters of homeschool I know, and is there to prop me up and remind me of its benefits during those dark days when I question my ability to educate my family and the school application seems so much more alluring.
He needed time to let the idea settle. He needed time to see the schools that we had available to us were not what we expected them to be. He needed time to believe we could do a better job than the professionals inshaAllah. And he needed time to see that the professionals did not share the same outlook on upbringing as we do.
The point to disclosing this personal account to you (because I rarely share personal matters) is to show you that we must be patient with our husband’s.
As I said earlier, he really does want the best for the kids just as much as you do, and he knows he is responsible for the whole household…and that includes being responsible for you too.
So be patient in talking with him. Many men don’t like to be told what to do. But most men however, will indeed listen and consider the recommendations of their wives when invited to do so.
Address any concerns your husband has around homeschool
Many people often have a lot of preconceived ideas and stereotyped judgements when it comes to home education, simply because it is relatively an unknown concept. Most have no experience of homeschool or home educators until they become one and so misjudgements are easy to make.
Be open to hear what his concerns are, and address them one by one.
Continue to invite conversation with him and ask he read various articles or books on the topic of homeschool and its benefits that you might send his way.
Find other homeschool families to talk to
It can be really helpful to find other homeschooling families near by who you could invite over for dinner so that the brothers can speak to one another. Sometimes our menfolk seem to hear the same message differently when it comes from another brother; and let's be honest some times we are the same with our sisters too.
Give him time
I’ll end with this important point. You yourself have likely spent a considerable amount of time thinking about home education and looking into it before you felt it would be something you’d like to do with your children. I know because some of you message me before you are even married; yet already know you want to home educate your future family inshaAllah.
You have had that time to research and reflect without rushing. So give your husband the opportunity likewise to have time to do the same.
What are you able to do now?
Keep in mind, we can not control the thoughts, opinions and actions of others, nor are we responsible for them. But we are indeed responsible and in control of our own. Regardless of whether your husband agrees to jump onto the homeschool train or sends out for the school applications, what can you do to ensure you're able to meet the needs of your children; facing whatever circumstances you find yourself in today inshaAllah? - This is where you start, regardless of what happens next.
Discover your own answer; homeschool coaching activity
As I said at the begining of this post, the best way to find what suits your own individual circumstances is to discover your own answers.
To help you do that, download my homeschool coaching questions page. These questions have been put together to help you address what actions you are able to take whilst your husband maintains his anti-homeschool position. As you complete the coaching exercise, do so knowing that you are working on your own thoughts and actions through it; not your husband's for whom you can not control how to think. These questions are all about you. Not him.
Make yourself a hot drink, grab a pen and sit down where you won't be disturbed.
Download the > Homeschool Coaching page <
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