When my eldest was born we knew that State School would not be an option .....but to home school ....no way!
However, when we moved cities, and met the home educating community here, my eyes were opened and it seemed like the obvious thing to do Alhamdulillah!
I remember it took around a year before we made the official decision to take full responsibility for the education of our family. And when we did, it was nerve-racking!
I sit here now, more than 5 years on, with only 1 year left of my eldest's primary school education and I have 2 thoughts......
The first is, I am so incredibly thankful to Allah that we have made it this far! We begun our journey when my now almost 10 year old was just 4 and a half.
Now we are coming near to the end of primary, I feel a huge accomplishment....we actually did it subhanAllah,we are almost done!
Second, is the prospect of secondary level education; the initial worry, panic and self doubt I had all those years ago when we embarked on the prospect of home schooling, are returning.
It feels like I have to now take the decision to home school all over again, as if I am completely new to the lifestyle!
I look ahead to next year, may Allah allow us to reach it, and I wonder; what is the right thing to do? Can we seriously continue to home educate throughout secondary? Is school a better option? Which school? Could we even afford it even if we wanted to! State School is still not an option.
Now my eldest is getting older, I also wonder am I enough? She has greater needs as she reaches early adulthood. Am I enough to give her everything she needs to continue to develop, to grow, to thrive? Can I find enough opportunities beyond me to help her fulfil her highest potential bi'ithnillah?
Could we even let go of home education and the freedom it grants us?
I feel we have to make that choice all over again from the beginning. And that wasn't something I had foreseen all those years ago when we first made the decision to be a home educating family.
So you see, I find myself back in the same place, questioning. Thinking. Contemplating. Can we really do this inshallah?